Happy Mother’s Day! Today is for you, whether you’re a mother, a mother-in-law, a grandmother or reuniting with a mom whom you haven’t seen since before COVID. Or, maybe you are remembering a mother? Perhaps you’re also enjoying watching a new mom fall in love with her new baby or passing wisdom to a growing child? However you celebrate Mother’s Day, I hope you enjoy savoring old memories and making new ones.
Whether it’s FaceTime, landline or snail mail: CALL A MOM ! And, if you feel so inclined, check out these links and consider donating to a charity of your choice to help mom’s in India: Help India During COVID.
Catching Up
So, it’s been a while since Dawn and I have posted. Well, you could say that Dawn and I have had a bit of COVID fatigue. And, ahem….we’ve been a bit preoccupied. First, getting vaccinated yay!! Then, helping to make sure that our families got vaccines as quickly as permitted. That was a LOT of late night internet juggling. Can you relate?
Mothers Near & Far
Coincidentally, since our last post, Dawn and I have each welcomed a new grandson. Our latest little guy is named for my dad/Zaydie and northern DIL’s Grammie. This tradition of naming a child for a cherished family member is yet another way to link generations into the future. Passing on these names is also a wonderful way to celebrate lives lived. Truly, this is a way to honor “their memories as blessings”. Many, many blessings.
New Long Distance Grandparents Facebook Page!
While our kids were pregnant with expectations, chasing after toddlers and getting vaccinated, Dawn and I were asked to moderate a long-distance grandparents social media site. Currently, this FB community includes close to 500 long distance grandparents from around the world. We have been thinking of and planning ways to link Smiles Beyond Miles with that spirited group. At the same time, we want to provide options for the ways you like to connect.
For a sample of how Long Distance Grandparents Facebook group benefits from connecting with other long distance grandparents facing similar challenges and joys, check out this wordle:
For more info, search Facebook for Long Distance Grandparents and request to join. This is a monitored, private group so you’ll need to answer a few questions. There, you’ll also find more ideas for connecting with grands remotely, art projects from Dawn and fun stories (emotional ones, too) posted by long distance grandparents from Australia to the Netherlands and across the US.
Stay Tuned…
Meanwhile, stay tuned for a new look for our Smiles Beyond Miles blog. As Dawn and I always learn from this blog adventure… delivering content and building our community in creative and efficient ways is a work in progress! Look forward to hearing how you connected on Mother’s Day and every day.
Cheers and happy connecting to all you mom’s and mom-supporters
Each of our grandkids is a unique treasure. Even as babies, we can see their personalities. But when contact is through a computer screen, it’s hard to get to know them. As a result, video chats may feel uncomfortable and conversation at times, a real effort! So, how can long-distance grandparents find the key to their grandkid’s heart?
“GETTING TO KNOW YOU”
These lyrics from the musical, “The King and I,” describe the perfect way to begin (I love musicals!).
“Getting to know you
Getting to know all about you
Getting to like you
Getting to hope you like me.”
Each new thing we learn about our grands gives us one more clue to find their heart. This very special treasure hunt will help lead us to ways we can relate more naturally together.
For example, let’s say your grandchild loves anything robot related. Now that’s a great clue! There’s so much you’ll be able to do together, even on FaceTime! You can read stories about robots, each draw your own version of them, or construct robots out of paper towel rolls and tape. That’s way more fun than just sitting in front of a screen.
CHANNELING YOUR INNER DETECTIVE
Although collecting clues about you grandchild’s likes and dislikes is harder to do on FaceTime than in person, here are some things to try:
ASK THE PARENTS – Parents usually know their kids best. So, either by text or phone call, ask them about your grand’s current favorite toy/book/song (or anything else that’s relevant).
CONSIDER AGE – Having realistic expectations goes a long way to understanding your grandchild. Checking out children’s developmental milestones is really helpful to know when your interacting with them.
HAVE A SHOW AND TELL – Ask your grand to bring one special object to your video chat. Or perhaps, you show them 3 or 4 different objects, and ask them which is their favorite. Then, see if they can figure out which one is yours!
PLAY A THINKING GAME – Start out a conversation with an open-ended question such as, “If you could eat anything for dinner what would it be, and where would you like to eat it?”
STEP AWAY FROM THE TABLE – Just sitting at a table for video chats is pretty tough for most kids. Try out a new location now and then like a play area or bedroom, with parents close by if needed. When hanging out in their comfortable space, kids are more relaxed. Begin by just watching them play. You’ll learn a lot. Then ask questions about what they’re doing. Let it flow as naturally as possible.
DISCOVER THE TREASURE INSIDE YOUR LONG-DISTANCE GRANDCHILD
After you’ve collected the clues, you’ll have a clearer picture of your grandchild. With each step, you’re also sending them the message that who they are really matters to you. Try to keep in mind that building a connection will take time, no matter the age. There will most likely be some frustrating moments, so plan on lots of trial and error. Just don’t give up hope. One day, you could be rewarded with a giggle and a smile! Or as the song says:
“Haven’t you noticed
Suddenly I’m bright and breezy?
Because of all the beautiful and new
Things I’m learning about you
Day by day.”
Do you feel like this has been a long winter or WHAT?! My northern granddaughter and I often check out the weather through each other’s windows when we videochat, and it seems like we’re always talking about SNOW! So I searched online for a fun snow-themed project that we could enjoy virtually. Many online mamas and teachers offer up creative ideas for building snowmen while you stay warm inside. The main ingredient? The timeless cottonball. Here’s how you and your grands can use cottonballs along with simple household items to “build” a colorful snowman together via videochat. But that’s just the beginning. You can add elements to create anticipation and connection over the following days or weeks.
The Adventure Starts with a Good Story
Our winter snowman project started with Sneezy the Snowman by Maureen Wright read virtually, of course. The story goes like this: Sneezy the Snowman has a problem. He’s always cold, so he sneezes a lot. He tries to warm himself up with hot cocoa and then a cozy fire. But, oh no, Sneezy! He melts from the heat, and his friends have to rebuild him. They also try to warm him up with clothes including a scarf, a hat and a jacket.
The story’s themes of friendship and problem-solving work well with toddlers through kindergartners. There are even some basic “science” concepts to chat about like hot and cold, freezing and melting. So, creating a cottonball, Sneezy the Snowman and dressing him to keep him warm, is a perfect partner for this sweet story.
Easy Peasy and Fun’s Cottonball Snowman
A Visit to Savta’s Fabric Closet
So after reading the story, we “went” to my fabric closet downstairs as I flipped the phone camera back and forth. Together we looked out my window to see that I had “some” snow. My granddaughter realized we were both looking out our windows, and exclaimed that she had even more!
Then I opened the closet door filled with my fabric stash. Organized by colors, we “toured” different palettes and patterns. First, we selected one fabric for Sneezy’s scarf, another for his hat and another one for his jacket. I cut pieces of each chosen fabric, and showed her the pieces that I would send her.
A Tale of Two Packages: One to Send, One to Keep
Next, I put together two sets of supplies. One to mail to my granddaughter and one for me to use during our snowmen video chat. I rummaged through my crafts box to fill a “build a snowman “box. You can personalize it with things like the following:
Fun paper (construction paper, wrapping paper or from an old wallpaper book) for a background
A paper bowl or plate to make a “standing up” snowman
Cottonballs, regular or mini size
Colorful pipe cleaners, yarn, buttons, ribbons
Fabric scraps from old clothes or sheets
Fuzzy balls
Part of egg carton (3 adjacent “egg holders” to put the cottonballs, optional)
Popsicle sticks
White glue (with a cotton swab for spreading)
Inside the package, I tucked in a note with the plan and a picture of Sneezy the Snowman.
Winter Project Anticipation
Next came the phone calls and video chats about when the package would arrive. After it was delivered, we talked about when to start. We settled on an afternoon the following weekend. She was so excited. As you’ve probably experienced, talking about a project or an event can be almost as much fun as doing it! And of course, the younger the child, the harder “future time” is to grasp (like how about NOW?!)
The Project Unfolds Over Videochat
Best laid plans… wIth all the supplies ready on my end for an afternoon video chat, the call to get started actually came hours before, while I was still in bed! I threw on my bathrobe, and was downstairs at my craft table in a flash. As we long-distance grandparents know, when the grandchildren are ready, we will be, too!
Here are some snowman-making ideas that we used, that you can, too!
Decide if this will be a “standing” snowman or if he/she will be flat on a background paper. Pick a background paper or paper bowl/plate. Build your snowman from the bottom up.
Use white glue (a Q-tip works well) to glue cottonballs to each other to form larger “balls” – 2 or 3 and stack them with glue. (You can use part of an egg carton to keep the round shape).
Add body parts: Ask the child what he/she would like to use for eyes, nose, mouth, arms, etc.
Dress your snowmen! What kind of scarf or hat would be fun? What color? How about a jacket? (Ideas from Sneezy the Snowman).
Read the story with your new snowmen and change up the outfits with different fabrics.
Talk about snowmen you’ve seen in your neighborhood.
Creations Beyond Snowmen
When my granddaughter was all done, she noticed that there were still plenty of decorations leftover. So, she started another project. Using letters as the base for her new creation, she encouraged me to do the same! With leftover supplies, it’s fun to see where the grandkids take us with their imaginations. And don’t forget the hot cocoa and selfies!
Milestones in children’s lives are such fleeting moments. Even if you’re around, they’re easy to miss: like first steps, first words or first letters. For us long-distance grandparents, witnessing these precious moments is pretty rare. But, If you’re lucky enough to catch a milestone, it will certainly be memorable. You’ll play it over and over again in your head.
I know, because some months ago, out of the blue, one of those special moments landed right in my lap. Read more
My dining room has been transformed into “Zoom Central”. The table is my laptop’s home and it’s covered with books, toys, and supplies for video chats with my grands. It’s working out just fine, but I wondered if watching me sit in the same spot each time might get a little boring. Sure, I could move to another room. But even better would be a total change of scenery and I’ve discovered how to do that without moving a thing. In fact, with help from Zoom I recently traveled with my long-distance grandkids to a fabulous, fantasy kingdom. I’m going to show you how to get there, too, and follow with some activities for a royal tour. Read more
I love hearing the names grandkids have for their grandparents. There are the traditional ones, descriptive ones, and sweet, endearing ones. Among that long list, however, I think I can confidently say you won’t find many names that include a location. Unbelievably, that’s how my sisters and I referred to our grandparents their whole lives. There was “Grandma and Grandpa from Baltimore” and “Grandma and Grandpa from Chicago”. One pair was local and the other pretty far away. They’ve been on my mind lately. With everything going on, my memories of growing up as a long-distance grandchild might be more relevant now than ever.
On the surface, it seems logical that my sisters and I would have been closer to our grandparents who lived nearby. So, it’s rather ironic that the opposite turned out to be true. Although we saw our local grandparents regularly and celebrated pretty much everything with them, we never felt the same connection as the one we had with our grandparents in Chicago.
So what was missing?
Personality and Passion
As I look back on those days, I realize there were things that clearly stood out about my grandparents from Chicago. One that quickly comes to mind, is just who they were. You know how zany personalities can be the most memorable characters? Well, my Grandma from Chicago was definitely memorable, and also quite a character. She was absolutely unafraid to show you exactly who she was and what she was thinking.
Although her zest for life sometimes went a little over the edge, she was just so much fun. During the “hippie” years, she could outdo anyone half her age. With her apple seed necklace and colorful flowing clothes, she was always right in the middle of the action. And like wacky, warm quicksand, she sucked you right in. She was our family’s version of “Auntie Mame.” It didn’t matter that we saw her at best several times a year. You just couldn’t forget her.
My Grandpa from Chicago was less… out there, but shared that same warmth as my grandmother. When we were together, he was full of hugs. Along with his dry sense of humor, he and my grandmother made quite a pair. There was always laughter, loud banter, and not a small amount of drama.
Open Communication
For my Chicago grandmother, there was no topic off limits for discussion. That was pretty amazing. We knew she was always ready to answer our questions. Although her advice might have been a little questionable at times, I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.
When we were teenagers, she discussed challenging topics like sex with us. My Grandma from Chicago not only educated my sisters and me, but all our cousins as well. To be clear, I’m definitely not suggesting this as standard practice for all grandparents. It’s just one of the ways she created an atmosphere of openness and acceptance.
Connection was Priority Number One
We know as long-distance grandparents, that it takes energy and effort to stay connected with our grandkids. But, can you imagine what it was like years ago? Our grandparents just had the mail and regular telephone calls between visits. I marvel now at how well they were able to connect with us on those weekly phone calls. Especially ones with my grandmother!
Throughout the years, she made it her priority to stay close. And that had a lasting impact on all of us.
But it was only a success because of her connection with our mother. They created a solid foundation for our relationships to thrive. In all honesty, my mother didn’t always welcome my grandmother’s persistence and involvement with open arms. However they shared one indestructible belief. It was that distance would never get in the way of our family ties.
Turning Visits into Treasures
I hesitate to bring up visits at a time when many of us aren’t able to see our grands, but I think it’s worth touching on. Growing up, we saw our Chicago grandparents a couple of times a year. Each visit generally lasted a few weeks. And that time frame was key.
Spending that extended time together seems to have left a deeper impression on me than the frequent visits with my local grandparents. When I search my memories of both experiences, it was those long visits I remember the most.
It’s an observation I find so hopeful for us long-distance grandparents.
Memories of a Long-Distance Grandkid: My Takeaways
As I look forward to 2021 and the hope that we all can travel again, I’ll carry with me the lessons I learned from my Chicago grandparents. They can be helpful whether you live close by or far away.
Try and let your hair down. Embrace your silly side, even on video chats.
Show grandkids your humanity, and role model ways to accept imperfections.
Listen, and be open to talk about topics that may feel out of your comfort zone.
Nurture your relationship with their parents to keep connections alive with your grandkids.
Use future visits as a time to cement the relationships you have.
Thanks, and Good Wishes
To write this post, my sisters and I did a lot of reminiscing. There were serious moments and also lots of laughter. I thank them so much for their input. I couldn’t have written this without them.
Finally, on behalf of Carrie and I, we send you and your family holiday greetings and best wishes for a happy, healthy year ahead. We’re ready for you, 2021!
For many of us, December’s going to be pretty quiet this year. We might not get to see our grandkids, and that’s a pretty big deal. There’s also the small things I know I’m going to miss, like shopping at holiday times, for instance. I’ll miss the atmosphere, the store displays and the browsing. Truth be told, COVID19 has put a quite a kink in all of our holidays, including our grandkids. So what can long-distance grandparents do to help? I’m thinking a little enhancement of FaceTime is in order. Let’s turn that regular chat into a mini virtual home shopping spree. So roll up your sleeves, throw open those closet doors, display cases and plastic containers. We’re going to take the grandkids on a holiday gift hunt!
Virtual Home Shopping with Grandkids
First, a few thoughts about why this kind of remote holiday gifting can be so special.
It’s a nice opportunity to share your interests and passions.
Kids love to make their own decisions, so what could be better than choosing their own gift(s)?
You’re a living instruction book who can explain how to use the gift or take care of it.
You’ll get to see your grandchild enjoy something that you’ve enjoyed. (Note: I got that idea from my mother).
Finding home treasures for gifting
For a virtual home gift hunt, you need… things that could be gifts! I stumbled on one source by accident. My grandkids and I happened to be going on one of our virtual home tours during a FaceTime chat. We “entered” my art room. WOW! Talk about excited. “This is better than Michaels!”, they exclaimed. In an instant, I transformed myself into the Vanna White of art supplies. Drawers were opened and shelves were explored. What was their favorite, you might ask? Answer: the bead boxes.
So many beads! So many colors! After a quick parental approval check, I laid out the boxes on my art table so they could choose their beads. Using my cell phone, I slowly scanned each box. In very serious tones, they directed me to the beads they wanted. As each bead was chosen, it was carefully set aside. Afterwards, I sent their prized beads, along with some beading string, in the mail. Success!
What I learned right out of the gate is that the things we use without thinking, might be treasures to our grandkids. Carrie, for example, is an avid quilter. Quilting is pretty synonymous with fabric saving. Now, can you imagine how much fun it might be to go on a fabric shopping spree with Savta (grandma), even if it’s remotely? In the hands of her grandkids those fabrics could be anything from dress-up clothes, craft supplies or basic tent material.
So think about what you do. Then consider what you use to do.
Just remember, whatever kinds of things you pick for your virtual home shopper, keep in mind age appropriateness and get parental approval.
Gifts from your collections
Another great source for virtual home shopping is your collections. I happened to be very fortunate to receive my mother-in-law, Frances’s, huge collection of second hand jewelry. To be sure, it was the stuff of legends! Because of her tireless efforts, many friends, former coworkers and local charity organizations own some fun, zany, “Franny” jewelry. Although I gave a great deal away, one of the things I did set aside was a large group of her pins (the photo is a selection). I had my grandkids in mind.
Now clearly, this collection is for older grandkids who can safely enjoy using the pins. But, let me tell you, I just can’t wait until my grands are ready for me to share them. In fact I’ve even discovered lots of ways the pins can be used when the time comes.
So what kinds of collections do you have? Need ideas? Here are some items to consider for gifting:
scarves, hats, gloves or shoes for dressing up
collectables like figurines, tea pots, snow globes, holiday items, comic books, travel souvenirs or trophies
books of special interest
a musical instrument you’re no longer using
pretty much anything else, let your grandkids be the guide
Wrapping it up
WIth holiday plans most likely changed this year, we’re all looking for alternative ways to connect with our long-distance grands. I hope you’ll have fun with this idea! My guess is it will be memorable.
Do you have any other ideas for a virtual shopping trip? Please let us know!
One final word. Virtual home shopping can be done at anytime. You could even start out with something fun in 2021!
Will you be dining on turkey and memories this Thanksgiving? For the past three Thanksgivings, we visited kids and grands in three different states. Each one holds memories of anticipation, travel delays, cooking marathons and satisfying feasts. Our Remote Thanksgiving 2020 will be much quieter. This year, we’ll be mixing new ideas with old favorites: A remote Thanksgiving mocktail hour, pumpkin bread, a few family members via zoom. We are swapping a deli platter for turkey, coleslaw instead of sweet potatoes and mustard for cranberry sauce. For this Gramps and Savta, Thanksgiving 2020 will definitely be different!
In the spirit of resilience and half-full glasses, I’m sharing a cornucopia of treats and ideas to link generations during Thanksgiving 2020, including ways I’m expressing my gratitude and counting our blessings.
Share Favorite Thanksgiving recipes
Here are two of my favorite Thanksgiving recipes that span generations. You can enjoy making these “together while apart” or on your own.
Gratitude Pumpkin Bread Recipe
This pumpkin bread recipe was created by a much loved family friend, Phyllis, and makes three generous loaves. As it bakes, the house fills with sweet, spicy smells. I can picture her beautiful smile. An hour ago, I shipped off pumpkin bread loaves to our kids and grands.
Created in 1982, the synagogue cookbook with this recipe is full of appreciation and gratitude for a group of loving, talented women, including my mom. I love to read the inscriptions.
Thanksgiving Stuffing Recipe with Apples and Chestnuts – Vegetarian
Created by Mim, this amazing Chestnut-Apple Thanksgiving stuffing’s secret ingredients are homemade croutons and apple cider. She’s been making this in our family since she was 10 years old. For Thanksgiving 2019, this recipe was made with siblings in different cites. Instead of eating together, we shared the photos.
Mim’s Chestnut and Apple Stuffing
6 cups cubed country-style or sour dough bread. Season with salt, pepper, garlic, drizzle the olive oil
Make bread cubes (we do them a day ahead): Preheat oven to 350°F. Bake seasoned bread cubes with olive oil on 2 sheet pans (middle or upper oven rack) for about 15 minutes. Hide them where no one will snack on them.
In a large skillet, cook leeks and celery in olive oil, covered until softened. Stir occasionally. Add sage, apples, 1/2-1 teaspoon salt, 1/2 teaspoon pepper and cook, covered for a few more minutes. Stir occasionally. Then add chestnuts and pour apple cider over the mixture. Cook a few more minutes. Add parsley and bread cubes and toss to finish. Transfer to a large bowl to toss with bread cubes if skillet is not large enough. Spread stuffing mixture into a 9″ x 13″ pan or shallow casserole dish.
Bake uncovered at 375°F for about 30 minutes until top is a little crispy and golden. Cover and keep warm until ready to serve.
Below, our southern daughter-in-law shows off our scrumptious creation.
Since Thanksgiving is about gratitude, I plan to do a session from Yoga with Adrienne that my northern daughter-in-law shared with me. As you might guess, Adrienne’s free yoga class this week is called Gratitude Yoga. An internationally known teacher, Adrienne’s philosophy is quite simple: Find What Feels Good. She has a library of free YouTube classes for all abilities.
Watching Adrienne is like inviting an old friend into your living room. You can use the video chat aids found here on our blog with grands to watch Adrienne’s YouTubes together while apart. Or, each can watch on your own, and later enjoy chatting about Adrienne’s dog, her downhome Texas style, and her down dogs. Try it! You’ll be grateful you did.
Share Your Heart: Feed the Hungry
In these challenging times, I feel so fortunate to have food on our tables. More importantly, we have access to healthy food. Yet, right in our backyards, many people – many children – do not. After hearing on NPR about the sharp increase in families with children with food insecurity, you will see why this has become a priority for me during COVID. Additionally, this is a great discussion topic with kids and grandkids. How can they share with others?
We can each make a difference with even $1, $5 or $10. That’s Thanksgiving. That’s connection. Discussing worthwhile charities is a chance to share values. At the same time, reviewing charity ratings* teaches how to evaluate where limited resources can be used most wisely. (*Ratings can change monthly).
Share Your Talent: A Remote Thanksgiving 2020 Quilting Project
Thanksgiving Day will be the perfect chance to take out the old colorful ties and get to work. We’ll reminisce about where my dad liked to wear each tie. Now, we get to create something new. Having the kids pick out their favorite ties via FaceTime is another way to connect across the miles. As timeless treasures, these will make great gifts. I can’t wait to see the finished products!
Give, Enjoy, Change it Up: Be Safe!
So, what do all these Remote Thanksgiving 2020 activities and memories have in common? They are all ways to process the change that is before us, to be creative and also stay connected while being safe. Helping our grands to be resilient and positive, to thank those we love, and to give to those in need is what Thanksgiving is about.
In the midst of the pandemic, my husband and I received an amazing, unexpected gift. It all started with a phone call this summer. Suddenly, the rhythm of our COVID life changed – for the good. My son and his family were coming for a long visit, because work and school had gone online. There are just no words to describe how thrilled I was. This long-distance grandparent was going to be a local Bubbe (grandparent) for one whole month!
Anticipation
A plan was quickly fleshed out. After flying here, they would quarantine for two weeks at our house while we would stay at an Airbnb. Then they would spend a month with my daughter-in-law’s family, and afterwards, a month with us. We were so fortunate that it all went smoothly. Sooner than we could have ever imagined, our time came. Read more
When I discovered the game, OuiSi®, I just knew it was going to be one of my favorites! OuiSi® is a game about making connections. It’s perfect for long-distance grandparenting because that’s what we do! It can also be played in a variety of ways, which is a real plus for adapting to our video chats.
What is OuiSi®?
OuiSi® (pronounced, “wee-see,” meaning “Yes”, in French and Spanish, of course) is a box game with 210 beautifully photographed cards. Most are easily visible on a video chat. Each one is carefully composed with a fresh view of common objects. Moreover, these intriguing photos seem to invite you take a closer look, as if you’re using a magnifying glass.
