These days I’m reminded of a saying my mother loved to quote: “A tree that bends in the wind doesn’t break.” For my mother, the mark of living successfully was being resilient. Through the years, I came to understand her wisdom. As my children grew, I shared it with them. Now, as a grandparent, I want to help my long-distance grandkids build resilience, too. Because of the pandemic, it seems more important now than ever.

So what can we do to foster resilience? There isn’t just one answer.  It’s really a combination of actions.  I’m going to focus on the ones I thought we could do best from a distance. You’ll find the ideas below. Just remember – kids learn by doing, over and over again. As my yoga teacher says, “It’s a practice!”

BUILDING RESILIENCE IN LONG-DISTANCE GRANDKIDS

• Keep connection
• Encourage positive thinking through humor
• Build on children’s strengths
• Explore opportunities and find purpose

KEEPING CONNECTION

Connecting is the great challenge of our current times. As long-distance grandparents, we’re pretty experienced with this one! In between visits we made before COVID-19, we were already doing a lot of video chatting. Now these calls are even more important.

With their world so much smaller these days, every connection our grandkids have with us is almost like a lifeline. In addition, I try to extend our connection past video chat time. For example, I might say, “Next time we talk we’re going to do XYZ,” so my grandkids have something to look forward to. Or, we might start an activity that will take several calls to finish.  Little connections add up!

ENCOURAGE POSITIVE THINKING THROUGH HUMOR

Humor was essential to being resilient as I grew up. I continue to rely on it today. We all need good belly laughs! Also, humor comes naturally to most children. My grandkids love the silly, nonsense books we read together during video chats. They make up their own stories, too. Many are filled with humor, leaving us all giggling! There’s hardly an activity in which we can’t find the fun. After all, laughter helps us relax. It can also open the door to positive thinking.

BUILD ON CHILDREN’S STRENGTHS

I’m always looking for my grandkid’s strengths. I pay close attention to things they both enjoy and find successful. For example, my grandson loves watching garbage and recyling trucks. It seems he has an eye for the mechanics of moving trash. We take it from there.  I ask him to explain how things work, and he shows me the mechanics of what he constructs.

Music is also a great passion of my grandkids. We sing favorite songs, create some new ones and play along with instruments. For them, music is just fun. But I know it can become a lifelong skill and maybe a way they will always find joy and peace. What are your grandkids’ strengths?

EXPLORE OPPORTUNITIES AND FIND PURPOSE

I try to help my grandkids see the possibilities in any challenge.  “When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.” That was another family mantra when I grew up. For my grandkids, this means thinking out-of-the-box to solve problems. They’re great at that already!

One fun thing I do to continue to encourage their creative thinking, for example, is to include an envelope marked, “What can you do with this?” when I mail a package. I fill it with bits and pieces of pretty papers, pipe cleaners, stickers and the like. When they’re finished, they’ve built confidence to tackle the next creative challenge I send their way.

At times things are a bit more serious.  My grandkids talk about not being able to see many of their friends or go to the playground. I listen as they share their frustrations. Then comes brainstorming. To me the key is letting them figure out what they can do instead.

Finally, with opportunities comes the hope that our grandkids will also find purpose. Purpose gives us the ability to not only cope with stress, but thrive. Here’s a story we shared with the grandkids. My husband and I encountered the toad below on a walk. He was sunning himself in the middle of the street. Nice idea, bad location. My husband gently nudged said toad to the side of the road with his foot. The toad hopped away. Such a simple action, with a big message. Even small moves can make a big difference.

PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER

Long-distance grandparents can really have an impact on helping build resilience in our long-distance grandkids even though we’re far away. We can inspire and reinforce healthful ways to cope and to grow. When we do that, we look beyond what separates us, to the opportunities we can share together.