Each of our grandkids is a unique treasure. Even as babies, we can see their personalities. But when contact is through a computer screen, it’s hard to get to know them. As a result, video chats may feel uncomfortable and conversation at times, a real effort! So, how can long-distance grandparents find the key to their grandkid’s heart?

“GETTING TO KNOW YOU”

These lyrics from the musical, “The King and I,” describe the perfect way to begin (I love musicals!).

“Getting to know you
Getting to know all about you
Getting to like you
Getting to hope you like me.”

Each new thing we learn about our grands gives us one more clue to find their heart. This very special treasure hunt will help lead us to ways we can relate more naturally together.

For example, let’s say your grandchild loves anything robot related. Now that’s a great clue! There’s so much you’ll be able to do together, even on FaceTime! You can read stories about robots, each draw your own version of them, or construct robots out of paper towel rolls and tape. That’s way more fun than just sitting in front of a screen.

CHANNELING YOUR INNER DETECTIVE

Although collecting clues about you grandchild’s likes and dislikes is harder to do on FaceTime than in person, here are some things to try:

• ASK THE PARENTS – Parents usually know their kids best. So, either by text or phone call, ask them about your grand’s current favorite toy/book/song (or anything else that’s relevant).
• CONSIDER AGE –  Having realistic expectations goes a long way to understanding your grandchild.  Checking out children’s developmental milestones is really helpful to know when your interacting with them.
• HAVE A SHOW AND TELL – Ask your grand to bring one special object to your video chat. Or perhaps, you show them 3 or 4 different objects, and ask them which is their favorite. Then, see if they can figure out which one is yours!
• PLAY A THINKING GAME – Start out a conversation with an open-ended question such as, “If you could eat anything for dinner what would it be, and where would you like to eat it?”
• STEP AWAY FROM THE TABLE – Just sitting at a table for video chats is pretty tough for most kids. Try out a new location now and then like a play area or bedroom, with parents close by if needed. When hanging out in their comfortable space, kids are more relaxed. Begin by just watching them play. You’ll learn a lot. Then ask questions about what they’re doing. Let it flow as naturally as possible.

DISCOVER THE TREASURE INSIDE YOUR LONG-DISTANCE GRANDCHILD

After you’ve collected the clues, you’ll have a clearer picture of your grandchild. With each step, you’re also sending them the message that who they are really matters to you. Try to keep in mind that building a connection will take time, no matter the age. There will most likely be some frustrating moments, so plan on lots of trial and error. Just don’t give up hope. One day, you could be rewarded with a giggle and a smile! Or as the song says: