I love hearing the names grandkids have for their grandparents. There are the traditional ones, descriptive ones, and sweet, endearing ones. Among that long list, however, I think I can confidently say you won’t find many names that include a location. Unbelievably, that’s how my sisters and I referred to our grandparents their whole lives. There was “Grandma and Grandpa from Baltimore” and “Grandma and Grandpa from Chicago”. One pair was local and the other pretty far away. They’ve been on my mind lately. With everything going on, my memories of growing up as a long-distance grandchild might be more relevant now than ever.

On the surface, it seems logical that my sisters and I would have been closer to our grandparents who lived nearby. So, it’s rather ironic that the opposite turned out to be true. Although we saw our local grandparents regularly and celebrated pretty much everything with them, we never felt the same connection as the one we had with our grandparents in Chicago.

So what was missing?

Personality and Passion

As I look back on those days, I realize there were things that clearly stood out about my grandparents from Chicago. One that quickly comes to mind, is just who they were. You know how zany personalities can be the most memorable characters? Well, my Grandma from Chicago was definitely memorable, and also quite a character. She was absolutely unafraid to show you exactly who she was and what she was thinking.

Although her zest for life sometimes went a little over the edge, she was just so much fun. During the “hippie” years, she could outdo anyone half her age. With her apple seed necklace and colorful flowing clothes, she was always right in the middle of the action. And like wacky, warm quicksand, she sucked you right in.  She was our family’s version of “Auntie Mame.”  It didn’t matter that we saw her at best several times a year. You just couldn’t forget her.

My Grandpa from Chicago was less… out there, but shared that same warmth as my grandmother. When we were together, he was full of hugs. Along with his dry sense of humor, he and my grandmother made quite a pair. There was always laughter, loud banter, and not a small amount of drama.

Open Communication

For my Chicago grandmother, there was no topic off limits for discussion. That was pretty amazing. We knew she was always ready to answer our questions. Although her advice might have been a little questionable at times, I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.

When we were teenagers, she discussed challenging topics like sex with us. My Grandma from Chicago not only educated my sisters and me, but all our cousins as well. To be clear, I’m definitely not suggesting this as standard practice for all grandparents. It’s just one of the ways she created an atmosphere of openness and acceptance.

Connection was Priority Number One

We know as long-distance grandparents, that it takes energy and effort to stay connected with our grandkids. But, can you imagine what it was like years ago? Our grandparents just had the mail and regular telephone calls between visits. I marvel now at how well they were able to connect with us on those weekly phone calls. Especially ones with my grandmother!

Throughout the years, she made it her priority to stay close. And that had a lasting impact on all of us.

But it was only a success because of her connection with our mother. They created a solid foundation for our relationships to thrive. In all honesty, my mother didn’t always welcome my grandmother’s persistence and involvement with open arms. However they shared one indestructible belief. It was that distance would never get in the way of our family ties.

Turning Visits into Treasures

I hesitate to bring up visits at a time when many of us aren’t able to see our grands, but I think it’s worth touching on. Growing up, we saw our Chicago grandparents a couple of times a year. Each visit generally lasted a few weeks. And that time frame was key.

Spending that extended time together seems to have left a deeper impression on me than the frequent visits with my local grandparents. When I search my memories of both experiences, it was those long visits I remember the most.

It’s an observation I find so hopeful for us long-distance grandparents.

Memories of a Long-Distance Grandkid: My Takeaways

As I look forward to 2021 and the hope that we all can travel again, I’ll carry with me the lessons I learned from my Chicago grandparents. They can be helpful whether you live close by or far away.

• Try and let your hair down. Embrace your silly side, even on video chats.
• Show grandkids your humanity, and role model ways to accept imperfections.
• Listen, and be open to talk about topics that may feel out of your comfort zone.
• Nurture your relationship with their parents to keep connections alive with your grandkids.
• Use future visits as a time to cement the relationships you have.

Thanks, and Good Wishes

To write this post, my sisters and I did a lot of reminiscing. There were serious moments and also lots of laughter. I thank them so much for their input. I couldn’t have written this without them.

Finally, on behalf of Carrie and I, we send you and your family holiday greetings and best wishes for a happy, healthy year ahead. We’re ready for you, 2021!